Yackety-Yak: Bad Friendship

Do you think you’re a good friend?

Um…is there something we need to talk about?

What? No. I’m not talking about ‘us’ specifically. I mean in general.

Oh…then I’d say…sixty-forty, maybe?

That low?

I guess? I mean, the way I think about it is: I know I’m in friendships that aren’t healthy and I know I should leave, but I don’t because of whatever reason. I think it’s also something where we all have to accept that there’ll always be times when we’re being the toxic person- even if it’s reactionary because that shows there’s something going on there.

So you think you’re a good friend a little over half the time.

Well, I’m always going to be extremely critical of myself obviously. Plus I know when it comes to certain friends, I’m hypersensitive to my actions and theirs which also isn’t ideal.

Hm…Am I one of those friends?

Ha! No. You aren’t one of them.

Okay, cool. Because for a second I was worried I was being a bad friend.

Do you think you’re a bad friend?

All the time.

Why?

I just feel like I’m constantly negative; a shadow of darkness in the corner, and am only kept around out of obligation. Basically.

And you feel like that for everyone?

Not everyone. Just a few specific people, I guess.

Hmm…maybe we should talk to our people and clarify some stuff.

Like whether we’re actually bad friends or just being insecure?

Aaand how the problem might be coming from more than one side of the friendship…

Oh.

It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing. I think sometimes we forget friends can honestly outgrow each other. You might link up in the future…you might not. We carry on.

Yackety Yak: Introspection

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know myself.

How do you mean?

I don’t know. Some people know every little facet of themselves whereas I feel like…I only know the superficial top layer.

I know if that’s true.

No?

No. I mean, if anything it’s everyone else who usually only knows the superficial stuff because they aren’t you, right? Even if you aren’t thoroughly analyzing every bit of yourself you still know the base and top level.

Yeah, but-

I’m not saying you’re fully conscious of the base or gray matter in between, but so long as you aren’t being detrimental to others or yourself…do you really need to be studying yourself that hard?

I guess I just wish I was more introspective? For personal growth and stuff?

So go for it. They say the better understanding we have of ourselves; the less apt we are to step into bad situations…or try to put the blame on something else afterwards, at least.

Who says that?

Just thought of it now to be honest.

Oh. Nice.

Just make sure not to get too deep in it.

In introspection? Why?

The problem with being too introspective is that it can lead to a consuming lack of perception and empathy toward others.

Oh…so like; an elevated form of being self absorbed.

Pretty much.

Yackety Yak: Obsessed

Have you ever been obsessed with someone? 

How are we defining obsessed? 

As in; you’re checking their social media even when you’ve deleted the apps to give yourself a break. 

…How’re you checking their accounts then? 

Safari. 

Oh.

Yeah.

 No I don’t think I’ve ever gone that far. Is this an ex? Or an old rival or something? 

Um…if I had to define it I’d probably say a frenemy?

Like a nemesis. 

Oh, I like that. We love each other, but we have some history. Rivals who are totally obsessed- like socks and sandals.

…Did you just half quote Bob’s Burgers? 

Yep. 

I love it. And the answer is still no.    

Yackety Yak: Break Ups

I split with my boyfriend.

Really? Didn’t you guys just get together?

Eh, sort of? I guess?

So what happened?

I just realized we weren’t compatible.

It was more than little things. It was…core aspects of our personalities and after my last relationship I just didn’t want to waste everyone’s time again.

I mean…if it’s not working then it just isn’t working. Better to cut it short and like you said; not waste their time. I think we sometimes fall into this feeling of “needing to stay” out of some sort of obligation, but that’s a trap and learning how to avoid it is priceless for everyone involved.

Yeah…

How’d they take it?

Pretty well, considering.

That’s good.

Yep…

Yackety Yak: What am I doing?

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

I don’t think any of us do to be honest.

I’m in a solid office job, but it’s just what comes easy- not what I like. I have no real passions… You know; I watched a cooking show the other day where the chefs were so passionate about what they were doing and for a hot minute I actually started looking up culinary schools.

Culinary schools?

Yeah. Oh and all the Le Cordon Bleu locations in the U.S. are closed by the way. Just in case you were wondering.

I…’ll keep that in mind. So were you hoping to bottle that passion?

Maybe? There’s a part of me that sparked when I was watching a show where they tried their best at making desserts. It was something about the science and art of it that really spoke to me for some reason.

And you don’t even like desserts.

Exactly.

So why not go into dessert making school?

I don’t know. Because I just spent four years at university and I might not be good at it?

That’s such a shit reason. If it actually interests you then go for it! I’m sure they have part time classes or something nearby to get the ball rolling, right?

Um…probably. I haven’t really looked into it.

So do it. Worst case; you now have something wild to add to your resume and a set of skills you’ll be able to razzle dazzle with. Plus, then if you decide to move to one of the big boy cities, you can apply for jobs in business AND culinary. Double whammy.

Yeah, but how much is that going to cost? I’m already saving for-

Listen! You can’t be fully prepared for everything. We’re country ruining millennials. So find something you can make work with your budget, take a chance, and shut the hell up. You need to focus more on the now and less on the future or else the next thing you know you’ll be your mom’s age with nothing to show for it because you spent all your time finishing some made up checklist you created before you could do anything worth while.

….Well then…I guess I’m going to be looking into some Pâtisserie courses.

You would know the name…you nerd.

Thank you very much.

No problem. I’d be happy to bully you into pursuing your interests anytime.

Yackety-Yak: Dreams

“What if when we dream we’re stepping into another version of ourselves?”

“Like in another dimension or something?”

“Yes! Exactly that.”

“Then…that would be terrifying.”

“Why?”

“Because in my dream last night; I witnessed an act of terrorism.”

“…Shit.”

Yackety-Yak: Straws

I don’t like these new paper straws. 

Why? 

Because when I chew on it I end up tearing it. 

So don’t chew on it?

But it’s my thing. I always chew on straws.

What? 

It’s really not that deep. 

You say that now, but just wait until your straw dissolves.

…It already dissolved. Didn’t it?

Yep.

Ha.

It’s still not that deep.