Tomorrow morning is my 90 Day Review and when I tell you I am somehow both calm and stressed!
Of my past jobs only one ever performed a 90 Day Review and it was only because I negotiated it in my interview to discuss my salary down the line. In this instance, however, it’s mandated by H.R. and so…here I am in limbo.
Do I think I’ve performed well? Well, the beacon of confidence in my psyche says, “yes” while the workaholic with toxic work-life balance says, “we could have done more”. Then there’s the rational part saying, “you’ve done fine and if not you’ll be told how to improve on Monday”.
Whether these worries stem from imposter syndrome, fear of failing so early in a potential career or not managing to meet expectations- I know I shouldn’t overthink it. As such I’m taking measures this weekend to keep myself occupied…Let’s see how it goes!
Do you ever look at a conversation you’ve had and thought: ‘wow, I’m really letting them down‘?
Sure? It this a new thing for you?
I guess not? I mean, we’ve all had moments where we overthink something we’ve said and try to dissect all the possible ways it could of been interpreted. I’ve just been torn lately between wanting to talk to/be there for others as opposed to just hanging alone.
And how does this link back to your question…?
Because I-….I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I think my value as a friend is at risk? As if I might fall to the wayside and when the tide of pandemic finally washes out, I’ll be washed away too?
…Right…so you’ve become hyper-aware of your conversations and are worried you might disappoint.
Pretty much sums it up.
Well I think you need to take a deep breath and relax. Look, everyone is going through varying degrees of stress. You can’t please everyone you care about without driving yourself insane- especially if you’re focusing on it. This is a time where you’ve got to do what you need to do; and if you have people keeping score in your corner, then it might be time to clear out the corner.
And then I’ll feel like a selfish bitch because they could easily of been venting their stress and that’s just how it came out. Or what if I’m the one keeping score? Then what?
I’ll admit you have a point there. And to be fair we’re all guilty of dipping into either side of the pool- I know I certainly am.
So did I win this one?
I don’t think you can win a question, but regardless I’m going to say no. You still need to take a deep breath and relax. Maybe stop putting so much weight on every little interaction and just let yourself be more present? Our friendships are supposed to be an outlet and with the way you’re going; it’s definitely going to become one way flow instead of a circulation.
I don’t know if that analogy actually makes sense.
Doesn’t matter because you still got the message.