I split with my boyfriend.
Really? Didn’t you guys just get together?
Eh, sort of? I guess?
So what happened?
I just realized we weren’t compatible.
It was more than little things. It was…core aspects of our personalities and after my last relationship I just didn’t want to waste everyone’s time again.
I mean…if it’s not working then it just isn’t working. Better to cut it short and like you said; not waste their time. I think we sometimes fall into this feeling of “needing to stay” out of some sort of obligation, but that’s a trap and learning how to avoid it is priceless for everyone involved.
How’d they take it?
Pretty well, considering.
The other night I had a conversation with my mom about the future and relationships. What kicked it off was me asking what she thought of my boyfriend. Her response was along the lines of : if he’s in the same spot six months from now then he’ll just be another chapter in your life.
A bit harsh, right?
My mom is very adamant about living the life you want- specifically standard of living and desire to travel. She’s worked extremely hard to achieve what she has and wants my potential life partner (we’re both not sold on marriage) to have goals that align with mine. In short: she’s against carrying someone through life unless it’s your children; and even then there’s an expiration date.
I don’t necessarily disagree with her because we both have the unfortunate habit of spending money on the people we want in our lives. In fact, it’s because I still live with her that I was able to begin cutting down on it so early in life.
Never underestimate the power of watching your habits in real time with a glimpse into the future- it starts making you look at your relationships a LOT more objectively a LOT faster.
Anyway, it’s weird because I’m entering that phase in life where older relatives are starting to look at the people I date in terms of longevity. Will they make a good husband/life partner? Are they financially stable? Do they have their shit together? Will they make a good addition to the family? Meanwhile the farthest my mind goes is the possibility of vacationing together and moving in. Anything in the sphere of marriage/life partners/etc. isn’t even on my radar. Financial stability is, but not in the sense of “will they be able to take care of me?“. Instead it’s more like, “will they be able to go with me places and support themselves?” a.k.a. “can they pay to come on the trip or would I need to pay for them?“.
Part of me wonders if I should start looking at it all more seriously, but then I have to remind myself that age aside I don’t need to be so focused on that level of a relationship. Right now I’m more focused on my personal goals and the way I see it; either the person I’m with and I will naturally (or consciously) make the decision to go in the same direction OR we’ll naturally/consciously split off.
I mean, I don’t even want a house. I’m indifferent to marriage. I don’t want kids…What a life partner would mean to me probably varies considerably from not only what those relatives of mine are thinking, but even a lot of my friends and that’s fine because it’s not their “hypothetical future relationship”.
Plus the family I see most often is generally pretty lax soooo: hooray for family that lets you do you even if they might not get it!
Sometimes I wonder if there’s such a thing as being too dependable while also not being dependable enough.
As in; I used to try to be there for people in as big a way possible and then over time I began to pull back to focus more on myself, but now there are times when I feel like I’m leaving people out to dry.
Yeah. It’s weird because part of me thinks, “oh, we’re all becoming adults who handle our own affairs” and then another part of me thinks, “but by focusing more on myself does that mean i’m giving people the cold shoulder?”.
Is there a reason why you need to be so dependable?
I think…it may be because when it comes to interpersonal relationships I believe my value stems from either my sexuality or what I can give them.
Which explains why you made it rain on people…
Exactly. So now that I’m not spending money on people for no reason-
-Now you’re insecure.
…Maybe you should learn how to depend on others.
Normally the question would be; “Where do begin?“, but I already know where to begin.
I split with my boyfriend.