Tag: old friends

Overdue Mourning

It’s amazing how hearing a nearly forgotten song can affect you so deeply. Having recently accepted a job offer I found myself struck with the urge to reread an old post of mine. It’s regarding the passing of one of my best friends a few years ago- although now I suppose it’s been several years…The anniversary of when I received the news from her father was little over two weeks ago, but I’d successfully pushed it away to focus on other things. With my employment potentially sorted it seems my subconscious finally wanted to address it. 

There’s only so much you can say, right? I can’t lie and say I’m not sad she wasn’t able to attend my wedding. I can’t lie and say I’m not sad she wasn’t there for our matching tattoo.

I am sad.

I’m sad when I realize I’ve passed the stage we were in when she died. I’m sad knowing there are things we wanted to do and at most, all I can do is do them without her. I’m sad I don’t know when I’ll be able to watch ‘Never Let Me Go’ again. I’m sad we never took pictures together and worry one day I’ll forget her face. I’m sad knowing what used to be ‘a few years ago’ is turning into several. And I’m sad knowing she wouldn’t want me to be because she considered death inevitable and mourning to be pointless… 

In the end I listened to each song from my original post and while I can’t say I felt lighter by any means…in a way it was cathartic. 

After all, we all complete.

A Friend in Need

Prompt: Finish this sentence: “My closest friend is…”

My closest friend is someone I’m no longer comfortable relying on, which sucks, but I like to think I’m progressing.

Saying Goodbye

This is a re-post from a blog I had three years ago.

I was a bit torn on whether I wanted to post it or not, but it’s been a year to the day and it’s a time for reflection. 

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Distance

Distance is a crazy thing.

It can be difficult to get used to at first: the gradual separation from someone you were close with. It can disrupt your sense of ease and way of going about your day- suddenly there’s a gap. It can make you insecure as idle thoughts fill the space…

On the other hand, it can be therapeutic: relearning to go on independently. It can help focus your priorities without the influence of someone else. It can make you more productive. It can provide answers to questions you hadn’t even considered. It can bring out changes in your perspective and behavior for the better.

Ultimately, it’s proven to be cathartic for me. It was rough in the beginning, but allowed me to purge things I’d buried so deep I never thought they’d see the light of day again.

Did it suck? Yes. Was it worth it? Yeah, I’d say so.

To feeling better and living better.

O.P. 26 October 2017

Old Friends: same old shit?

It’s wild how you can know someone for years, go through so many ups and downs, not talk for months at a time, and then suddenly one person hits up the other because they haven’t posted on social media in a while and suddenly you’re hanging out until five in the morning.

Was it expected? Definitely not, but that’s life…you know?

I’ll be the first to say I was the reason our friendship fell apart. Hands down it was me and I think mixed with distance/leading our own lives sent us in different directions for a while.

Was it unfortunate? Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely things we’ve missed out on in each others lives which is unfortunate, but I don’t necessarily think it is on the whole because we’ve always managed to link back together.

It’s funny too because this time around I guess it just feels different? I think we’re both in that mentality/stage where the bullshit from years ago just isn’t something we live in anymore. There’s no overthinking. We hang out, have deep conversations, have stupid conversations, and the most important part- we roast the shit out of each other.

In the past month alone I’ve seen them twice (taking that good ol’ three and half hour drive). The first time was the fated “hanging out until 5 a.m.”. This past weekend I introduced them to my boyfriend, brought them over for breakfast with my some relatives they hadn’t seen in years, and face timed with my mom to say hi. It was awesome and by the time we parted ways there were already plans to link up again in a few weeks.

I really don’t know how to explain it…During our 5 a.m. hangout they said something off handily about how I was one of their best friends and it really made me think that: yeah, they’re definitely still one of mine. I just felt refreshed and I think sometimes that’s what we need- that physical presence as opposed to maybe just a screen or even nothing at all.

I guess in the end my true take away is: through the highs and lows it’s all about those who you can still kick back with and watch them not be able to finish a turkey leg at the fair (and then roast them for it).

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash