What comes to mind when I say ‘romanticize your life’?
When you say it? Nothing.
Ask a silly question and you get a silly answer.
Why? What comes to mind for you?
Honestly? Slice of Life manga and anime.
…I guess I can understand that.
Sure. I mean, slice of life- or at least what you send me, is pretty easy going with comedy and a dash of romance. Even the sadder ones have a strangely idyllic feel, so yeah- I get it.
Do you romanticize your life then?
I do now. I didn’t used to though.
I started feeling bogged down with my day to day and didn’t want to become a stereotypical ‘cog in a machine’ who wakes up in twenty years and realizes they were miserable the whole time.
So how did you change it?
I started actively relishing in things that brought me joy like picking out a cute outfit, indulging in skin care, eating my favorite things…just small stuff to start.
…And would you say it’s working?
You know…I would.
Good to know.
One week has passed since my wedding ceremony and I can honestly say…it hits different.
Did I cry? Nope. Neither myself nor my husband cried (likely because we legally wed in July). Interestingly, it wasn’t until I left my mom’s rental the following night that I got misty eyed. Something about leaving my family to head home, knowing they were flying out in the morning…everything suddenly felt cemented. There I was at twenty-six having hit all the old school “milestones of adulthood” and it was a cluster of emotions.
There was certainly joy.
I was happy so many friends and family were able to be part of it with us. I was happy people had a great time. I was happy to be culturally married- if that’s the right way to describe it. I was happy nothing went awry….
At the same time though, I was sad.
Sad in realizing the roots I’d laid down states away from family and friends were now anchored. Sad in the sense I’d closed out a life stage and was now closer to my most imminent fear- death.
Thankfully, my partner was chatting with me on the phone for most of the drive which helped keep it together.
These last several days have been a blur thanks to me going right back to work, but I’m hoping this weekend will get me back on track rest wise.
Photo by My Mother
P.S. If anyone reading this attended the wedding- I want to thank you for coming and I apologize if you experienced altitude sickness!
Prompt: When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
Hm…it would probably be pretty recent.
While my partner and I were enjoying a private hot spring we got to talking and I expressed how now that we are legally married it feels as if I’ve hit all the stereotypical ‘milestones of adulthood’– aside from having children (
neither myself or my partner want any).
It was strange because until that moment I hadn’t consciously considered it.
On one hand it’s nice to think you’ve hit society’s goals whether or not you think they’re relevant. On another hand it served as a reminder of how I’m getting closer to the ultimate milestone- death, albeit in a roundabout process.
In a parallel train of thought it made me reflect on how I’m not really passionate about anything anymore nor do I have extremely close friendships.
Adulthood is a wild one, but the joy of being an adult is I can make changes towards the things I want.
Photo by Cloris Ying on Unsplash
Tomorrow morning is my 90 Day Review and when I tell you I am somehow both calm and stressed!
Of my past jobs only one ever performed a 90 Day Review and it was only because I negotiated it in my interview to discuss my salary down the line. In this instance, however, it’s mandated by H.R. and so…here I am in limbo.
Do I think I’ve performed well? Well, the beacon of confidence in my psyche says, “yes” while the workaholic with toxic work-life balance says, “we could have done more”. Then there’s the rational part saying, “you’ve done fine and if not you’ll be told how to improve on Monday”.
Whether these worries stem from imposter syndrome, fear of failing so early in a potential career or not managing to meet expectations- I know I shouldn’t overthink it. As such I’m taking measures this weekend to keep myself occupied…Let’s see how it goes!
While chatting the other day, an interesting topic popped up: the lives we wanted for ourselves when we graduated high school/were in university as opposed to now. It got me wondering how I stacked up to what my younger self wanted. Had I met any of those goals? Had any of those goals shifted?
And so, I asked myself some questions:
H.S. Grad/Uni Student
Degree: Economics & Finance
Residence: London or Hong Kong
Housing: Brick Apartment or Brownstone w/ a view
Career: International Business
Marital Status: Single
Was the Goal Met?
Sort of? Solely economics
Nope. Never made it to brick, unfortunately.
I mean…in a way?
Current Self’s Goal
Degree: Nope. No Master’s plans
Residence: I’m happy where I am
Housing: Earth-sheltered home w/ a natural pool
Career: Data Analytics
Marital Status: Married
I have to say, the most interesting thing I realized was younger me really only cared about fundamentals. It seems I simply wanted to reach a certain point and that was it…In a way, it’s nice to know I wasn’t hung up on countless details considering how much I liked to plan (
and still do).
Photo by Yours Truly
It’s safe to say marriage is considered a major life milestone, right?
Um…yeah? I’d say so. For those who value it, at least.
Sometimes I get anxious. Not in the, “I’m having second thoughts“ way or anything. It’s more, “Getting married is a major life mark and I’m suddenly reminded of my own mortality“…
This is…not the direction I thought we were headed in.
I know, right?
I don’t think it’s out of left field though. I mean, your biggest fear is death and while milestones are traditionally great…
-They also traditionally bring us closer to death.
It can be bittersweet.
In many ways, I think it is.
As of 20 November, 2021 I now live in my very first home!
We started up at 7 a.m. and with the help of some amazing movers, were fully moved and unpacked by 5 p.m.!
This year I have moved about…three times. Four if we’re counting the two weeks we stayed with my mom before moving across country. Knowing I won’t be packing to move anytime in the foreseeable future is such a relief. I really don’t think I could have handled doing it a few more times.
Now that I have my own place I finally understand what I never understood about my mom as a kid: seeing possibilities in a place. Growing up, my mom always had an eye for what she wanted to change in homes and I never really got it. Now- I am fully aboard her train and have brainstormed with my partner on how we would change just about every room.
The one thing my partner was most looking forward to was being able to sleep with the window cracked now that we’re on the top floor. So of course, for the first night we did just that.
Let me tell you something about that.
It went down to 34 degrees Fahrenheit.
I had fleece sheets, a duvet, and two comforters.
This morning I stayed in bed for an extra hour and a half because I was waiting for them to get up and put the heat on.
In the end, they couldn’t get the window to close, so I had to do it.
All in all it was a pretty good laugh and I’m looking forward to making this place our own.