It can’t be just me: 90 Day Review

Tomorrow morning is my 90 Day Review and when I tell you I am somehow both calm and stressed!

Of my past jobs only one ever performed a 90 Day Review and it was only because I negotiated it in my interview to discuss my salary down the line. In this instance, however, it’s mandated by H.R. and so…here I am in limbo.

Do I think I’ve performed well? Well, the beacon of confidence in my psyche says, “yes” while the workaholic with toxic work-life balance says, “we could have done more”. Then there’s the rational part saying, “you’ve done fine and if not you’ll be told how to improve on Monday”.

Whether these worries stem from imposter syndrome, fear of failing so early in a potential career or not managing to meet expectations- I know I shouldn’t overthink it. As such I’m taking measures this weekend to keep myself occupied…Let’s see how it goes!

artist: @artoshtu

Mouths Wide Shut

Prompt: Are you a picky eater? Share some of your favorite food quirks with us (the more exotic, the better!). Omnivores: what’s the one thing you won’t eat?

I’m ready for all the smoke that may come my way, BUT it has to be said:

I don’t eat/like the following
  • bacon
  • chicken
  • chocolate
  • coffee
  • eel
  • ketchup
  • peanut butter
  • pickles
  • turkey
I order these things all day
  • butternut squash soup
  • ceviche
  • goat cheese
  • goat curry
  • grilled octopus
  • grilled squid
  • guacamole
  • soft pretzels
  • tzatziki

With it all laid out in front of me I think it’s safe to say I’m probably a picky eater. If I had to pick the one thing I won’t eat…bacon.

I’m not taking any questions at this time.

Photo by Aleisha Kalina on Unsplash

Let It Be

Prompt: A restaurant that removed your favorite item from the menu, a bad cover of a great song… Write a post about something that should’ve been left untouched, but wasn’t. Why was the original better?

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Do I have a bone or two to pick with this? You betcha.

First is none other than the Fontina Grilled Cheese from Panera Bread. When I tell you this sandwich had the most amazing combination of cheeses…just thinking of it makes me hungry, BUT I’ll break it down:

We were given four cheeses– fontina, monteau, sharp cheddar, and smoked gouda. I hadn’t even heard of fontina cheese before this sandwich and now I can never go back. That’s what this sandwich did to me.

By default it came on a country rustic loaf. Now was I a fan of the loaf? No, but that’s what was great about Panera- you could substitute! (and probably should of in this case)

My next grievance is with Yard House over the very missed Sweet Tart Martini. I can only describe it as liquid sour jolly rancher. Sounds amazing, right? Now imagine the heartbreak of heading to Yard House for dinner and finding out it’s no longer on the menu.

For those wondering, I present the ingredients:

– raspberry vodka – DeKuyper Pucker Island PunchDeKuyper Pucker Sour Apple – Sweet & Sour

Do I have hope that one day these items will return to their rightful place on menus? No. Do I know where to locally buy these ingredients? Yes.

artist: @artoshtu

Purrs Against Illness

Does anyone else’s pet hone in on them when they’re under the weather?

In my case, my cat has a four prong system:

i. jumps/climbs into my lap

ii. a gentle head butt

iii. lays down on my chest

iv. purrs

Without fail, he does this a few hours into me feeling unwell and follows up every day until I’m well again. I can’t say if it actually helps, but it definitely makes me feel warm and fuzzy…It’s the little things.

artist: @artoshtu

Insecurities? Eh…70/30

I think it’s safe to say no one is 100% satisfied with themselves.

This isn’t to say there aren’t people who are happy with their appearance or behavior, but it’s our curse to unnecessarily scrutinize every little potential fault. Whether we come to love our flaws is a case by case basis and everyone has something they fixate on.

For me it’s everything above my neck- save my eyes.

I’ve had bad skin for as long as I can remember and I’ve tried just about everything I can to temper it. Some months are better than others and every time I think I’ve FINALLY cracked the code, my skin just goes: HA! That was cute! Havin’ a laugh?

Thus the battle rages on as I continue to try and figure out how to manage my ghastly skin. Truthfully I’m aware I’ll never have perfect, glowing skin. My skin tone is particularly susceptible to scarring and discoloration- something I never really noticed until my skin started to clear. I always held the idea I would be happy once my acne cleared and I still do. Scarring and discoloration can fade with time and given how obsessed I am with beauty products, it gives me the perfect excuse to pamper myself! [not that I needed one] Still, there’s always the chance I’ll become obsessed with clearing my dark marks, but I really hope it doesn’t reach the level of insecurity I have with acne. Confidence is something I love to see in others and it can definitely be said I’m more of a “do as I say” versus “do as I do” person when it comes to it- although I have noticed that turning around.

I used to be the person who was confident in front of people I knew in an attempt to pave the way for them to be more confident. I think there’s something to “faking it ‘till you make it” because it definitely did help create my base level of confidence. A base that’s since grown as I’ve grown. I still have insecurities obviously, but at the end of the day we’ve got what we’ve got. Do I think I have a pretty face? Not really. Other people do though and whether they’re just saying it to be nice or not…that’s fine. There’s always someone who’s going to be drawn to things you don’t see as good about yourself- whether it’s for the right reasons is a conversation for another day.

Anyway, this went off course and now I don’t know how to finish it.

O.P. 21 July 2017

Cranking it Out: Writing

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but like to roleplay. I currently have about…five going on with I.L. Knight and something amazing has happened: ALL MY REPLIES ARE DONE. That’s right. Who has replies to do? Not me because they’ve been written, posted, and received by my partner in crime. The best part is; I sent it off this morning so now I’m in easy breezy land for at least tonight (because she works the night shift)!

And if you’re thinking: “But what about those personal projects that you’ve only posted one installment on?“, then I regret to inform you that I think we have a bad connection because I didn’t catch that. 

It’s really weird though because now all I can do is wait and there isn’t much I can do to distract myself– except looking at my own stuff of course.

But honestly…what about my stuff?

I mean, I got through all the first installments because I wanted to give myself a base to come back to when I inevitably lost my muse/confidence. I’m very happy with my past self for knowing my future self so well, but…I’m still hesitant. I think I’ve gotten very comfortable in the rp format and the idea of writing something all by myself is a bit daunting, maybe? It’s like: what if I miss something or don’t set something up properly? what if I’m assuming too much? what if my writing is flat without something else to balance off of? what if? what if? what if?  

So many questions and really only two outcomes: either I continue with the projects or I don’t. Do I want to continue the projects? Yes, so I will. 

Since it’s a slow day at work maybe I’ll read through my first installments and see what comes to me because I don’t know about you, but for reason I can really crank it out when I’m at work (after finishing my duties of course)! 

Artist: oshtu

It can’t be just me: Procrastination

For me procrastination is right up there with good ol’ lack of confidence and I’d say they’re probably about equal/possibly intertwined, even.

Recently though, I’ve been able to implement a system that’s working pretty damn well! I set out a daily to-do list for the upcoming week (leaving a few spots blank in case something comes up) and then just…do it. At first I wasn’t entirely confident it would work, but just there’s just something about trying to go to bed knowing not everything’s been crossed off for the day that really hits me deep.

That being said. So far it’s kept me on track to where I got an A on the final for my TEFL course, set medical appointments, started paying more attention to this site, etc. BUT it could not get me to finish my EPIK application lesson plan!

Then it happened: heavy rain = office building flooding; and the next thing I know I have Weds through Friday off. What a dream, right? Nope. Turns out that with all that extra time I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. There was no sense of immediate urgency to get the lesson plan done even though I was anxious to get it done. I’d start doing research to prep and then just put it down and start doing something else: i.e. calling friends, working on roleplays, lunch with my mom, and of course the almighty NETFLIX. I was literally doing everything under the rising son instead of working on this lesson plan because, “I don’t need to have it until next Wednesday“.

BUT, BUT, BUT. You know that strange thing where you either push out the product at the last minute or randomly get the bug and start without prompting? Well, I’m glad to say I’m moving farther away from the first and more towards the second track which is exactly what happened today. I went to my dog sitting gig without my EPIK application materials and absolutely no intent of working on it. Somehow though, I ended up opening Google Docs, opening some tabs to better understand what they’re looking for, and hashed out a rough draft to polish once I get back home.

Was it what I was expecting? Obviously not, but it happened and I felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders because I’d actually produced something meaty!

I think procrastination is one of those things that clearly never fully goes away because we experience it with different tasks for wildly different reasons. I tend to work better when I’ve mapped things out, but if something drastically changes (such as no work for three days) it clearly throws me off my game. The answer isn’t the same for everyone and I know it’s probably not the best to rely on that efficiency bug to bite you in the ass, but isn’t it great how once you get started sometimes you just turn into the energizer bunny and start steam rolling through stuff? Even right now as I’m typing this I’m also resizing my photo to put on my application.

No? Maybe it’s just me.

Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash