Looking through the Backwards Lens

While chatting the other day, an interesting topic popped up: the lives we wanted for ourselves when we graduated high school/were in university as opposed to now. It got me wondering how I stacked up to what my younger self wanted. Had I met any of those goals? Had any of those goals shifted?

And so, I asked myself some questions:

H.S. Grad/Uni Student

Degree: Economics & Finance

Residence: London or Hong Kong

Housing: Brick Apartment or Brownstone w/ a view

Career: International Business

Marital Status: Single

Was the Goal Met?

Sort of? Solely economics

Nope

Nope. Never made it to brick, unfortunately.

Nope

I mean…in a way?

Current Self’s Goal

Degree: Nope. No Master’s plans

Residence: I’m happy where I am

Housing: Earth-sheltered home w/ a natural pool

Career: Data Analytics

Marital Status: Married

I have to say, the most interesting thing I realized was younger me really only cared about fundamentals. It seems I simply wanted to reach a certain point and that was it…In a way, it’s nice to know I wasn’t hung up on countless details considering how much I liked to plan (~~and still do~~).

Photo by Yours Truly

Disagreements

It’s very rare my mom and I have a disagreement. Maybe once every one to three years we have a blow out, then after a few days we reconcile. Since our last blow out; at least two years ago now, I made an effort to not bottle things up and effectively voice my opinions with her without freaking out- specifically if she threw out the tried and true “you’re too sensitive” comment or some variation of it.

Now putting aside the dismissive everything about that phrase and how it makes me go from 15 to 70…I’ll get back on track.

Yackety Yak: What am I doing?

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

I don’t think any of us do to be honest.

I’m in a solid office job, but it’s just what comes easy- not what I like. I have no real passions… You know; I watched a cooking show the other day where the chefs were so passionate about what they were doing and for a hot minute I actually started looking up culinary schools.

Culinary schools?

Yeah. Oh and all the Le Cordon Bleu locations in the U.S. are closed by the way. Just in case you were wondering.

I…’ll keep that in mind. So were you hoping to bottle that passion?

Maybe? There’s a part of me that sparked when I was watching a show where they tried their best at making desserts. It was something about the science and art of it that really spoke to me for some reason.

And you don’t even like desserts.

Exactly.

So why not go into dessert making school?

I don’t know. Because I just spent four years at university and I might not be good at it?

That’s such a shit reason. If it actually interests you then go for it! I’m sure they have part time classes or something nearby to get the ball rolling, right?

Um…probably. I haven’t really looked into it.

So do it. Worst case; you now have something wild to add to your resume and a set of skills you’ll be able to razzle dazzle with. Plus, then if you decide to move to one of the big boy cities, you can apply for jobs in business AND culinary. Double whammy.

Yeah, but how much is that going to cost? I’m already saving for-

Listen! You can’t be fully prepared for everything. We’re country ruining millennials. So find something you can make work with your budget, take a chance, and shut the hell up. You need to focus more on the now and less on the future or else the next thing you know you’ll be your mom’s age with nothing to show for it because you spent all your time finishing some made up checklist you created before you could do anything worth while.

….Well then…I guess I’m going to be looking into some Pâtisserie courses.

You would know the name…you nerd.

Thank you very much.

No problem. I’d be happy to bully you into pursuing your interests anytime.

Impromptu Talk with Mom: Future & Relationships

The other night I had a conversation with my mom about the future and relationships. What kicked it off was me asking what she thought of my boyfriend. Her response was along the lines of : if he’s in the same spot six months from now then he’ll just be another chapter in your life.

A bit harsh, right?

My mom is very adamant about living the life you want- specifically standard of living and desire to travel. She’s worked extremely hard to achieve what she has and wants my potential life partner (we’re both not sold on marriage) to have goals that align with mine. In short: she’s against carrying someone through life unless it’s your children; and even then there’s an expiration date.

I don’t necessarily disagree with her because we both have the unfortunate habit of spending money on the people we want in our lives. In fact, it’s because I still live with her that I was able to begin cutting down on it so early in life.

Never underestimate the power of watching your habits in real time with a glimpse into the future- it starts making you look at your relationships a LOT more objectively a LOT faster.

Anyway, it’s weird because I’m entering that phase in life where older relatives are starting to look at the people I date in terms of longevity. Will they make a good husband/life partner? Are they financially stable? Do they have their shit together? Will they make a good addition to the family? Meanwhile the farthest my mind goes is the possibility of vacationing together and moving in. Anything in the sphere of marriage/life partners/etc. isn’t even on my radar. Financial stability is, but not in the sense of “will they be able to take care of me?“. Instead it’s more like, “will they be able to go with me places and support themselves?” a.k.a. “can they pay to come on the trip or would I need to pay for them?“.

Part of me wonders if I should start looking at it all more seriously, but then I have to remind myself that age aside I don’t need to be so focused on that level of a relationship. Right now I’m more focused on my personal goals and the way I see it; either the person I’m with and I will naturally (or consciously) make the decision to go in the same direction OR we’ll naturally/consciously split off.

I mean, I don’t even want a house. I’m indifferent to marriage. I don’t want kids…What a life partner would mean to me probably varies considerably from not only what those relatives of mine are thinking, but even a lot of my friends and that’s fine because it’s not their “hypothetical future relationship”.

Plus the family I see most often is generally pretty lax soooo: hooray for family that lets you do you even if they might not get it!