The other night I dreamt I went abroad to investigate the death of my best friend.Read More »
I don’t know is anyone knows this, but like to roleplay. I currently have about…five going on with I.L. Knight and something amazing has happened: ALL MY REPLIES ARE DONE. That’s right. Who has replies to do? Not me because they’ve been written, posted, and received by my partner in crime. The best part is; I sent it off this morning so now I’m in easy breezy land for at least tonight (
because she works the night shift)!
And if you’re thinking: “But what about those personal projects that you’ve only posted one installment on?“, then I regret to inform you that I think we have a bad connection because I didn’t catch that.
It’s really weird though because now all I can do is wait and there isn’t much I can do to distract myself– except looking at my own stuff of course.
But honestly…what about my stuff?
I mean, I got through all the first installments because I wanted to give myself a base to come back to when I inevitably lost my muse/confidence. I’m very happy with my past self for knowing my future self so well, but…I’m still hesitant. I think I’ve gotten very comfortable in the rp format and the idea of writing something all by myself is a bit daunting, maybe? It’s like: what if I miss something or don’t set something up properly? what if I’m assuming too much? what if my writing is flat without something else to balance off of? what if? what if? what if?
So many questions and really only two outcomes: either I continue with the projects or I don’t. Do I want to continue the projects? Yes, so I will.
Since it’s a slow day at work maybe I’ll read through my first installments and see what comes to me because I don’t know about you, but for reason I can really crank it out when I’m at work (
after finishing my duties of course)!
To start off; I’m pretty sure it’s not just me. BUT if you know someone or are the someone who never fears failure then congratulations and let’s hang out (maybe you’ll rub off on me).
So this is one of those things I’ve been wrangling with for ages now and the main reason it’s taken until now for me actually post on here. Anytime I would start a draft, two thought would pop up: What if no one likes it? & What if I fail?
On Tumblr it was one thing, but on here it somehow feels….more exposed? Maybe more adult, even? I don’t really know how to explain it.
There are things I want to write about. Things I’m in the middle of doing and working on. Things that might actually be interesting and yet, there’s still that lingering fear of
What if I write about it and then fail or it doesn’t work out?
Of course, the answer is to just keep on grooving to the next thing just like in real life. Normally I’m very set in that mindset and try not to let the present bog me down, but when it comes to writing it suddenly feels weird. I mean, in real life no one’s perfect, not everything works out and that’s okay. We make some adjustments and keep chugging along.
For me, when I first pushed past that barrier it was like a huge weight has been lifted. That silent pressure which can be so inhibiting suddenly lessened considerably (
obviously it didn’t completely go away or I wouldn’t be writing this). Now this isn’t to say I’m lackadaisical in the things I do. I just think that striving for success and fearing failure don’t need to be mutually exclusive. I find it better to still strive for success while understanding if it doesn’t work out or I fail, then that’s okay because I did what I could.
I guess in short: If a fear of failure is hindering me to the point where I keep putting something off (like this), then I try my best to hone the same energy I put in other things I do.
So what does it mean for the site?
I’d rather be genuine than force myself to try and be perfect, ultimately fail anyway, and then act shook when it all blows up my face. Sooo this might get interesting.