Perpetual Bridesmaid

I have a problem where I get overly invested in people (particularly men), then I end up coming on too strong or just messing up in general which leaves me right where I started: a perpetual bridesmaid.

Now ‘Perpetual Bridesmaid’ is a title I’ve sort of given myself lately. When I first started using it, it was a way to make light of my mounting insecurities in the dating realm. My attempt at self-deprecating humor, ladies and gents. I know I already tapped into physical insecurities in a prior post, so I’m going to bypass straight into personality flaws (hooray).

I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I catch myself trying to be ‘perfect’ when I’m with someone. Should I be doing that? Of course, not. It just screams Bad News Bears. Still, I catch myself falling into the habit. I guess the truth is:

I don’t think I can attract a man on anything besides looks and with that in mind it’s easier to just try and mold myself a bit to their preferences… 

YES, I KNOW IT’S BAD. I’M GETTING TO THE BETTER PART. RELAX. 

Anyway, instead of using this title to playfully hide my fears, now it’s not even something I say anymore. It’s simply just a thought. A thought that peps me up and it made the jump in the blink of an eye.

I was commuting home from work and passed at least five adorable couples who looked like they’d been ripped right off the silver screen. I immediately had two lines of thought: 

“Awe, I wish I had something like that…Too bad I’m doomed to be perpetually single…” & “I wonder how many bridesmaids dresses I can collect? 27 is the number to beat.” 

Just like that it felt as if the dark cloud so casually perched above me faded away.

Side note: I’d been starting to feel down because I felt the guy I was beginning to have feelings for had decided I wasn’t worth it anymore.  

With the cloud gone; however, I suddenly didn’t have any negative thoughts weighing on me about my status. Would he decide I’m not worth it? Maybe. Will I never get married? Maybe. Do bridesmaids always have the funniest tag lines in the movies? Yep. 

O.P 22 July 2017

Dating: Getting Back on the Horse

Gonna take my horse down the old town road!

DISCLAIMER: For anyone who managed to get that song out of their head…I apologize, but the second I said horse I couldn’t help myself!

Anyway, that’s honestly one of my favorite sayings because; and I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this- I’ve never ridden a horse. In fact, I think my first time even interacting with a horse was two weeks ago when I surprised my mom with horse riding lessons. And even then the most I did was hold the reigns while the instructor went to grab something. 

But back to dating.

As of last Tuesday-ish I rejoined dating apps in an attempt to get myself out of the house and back in the game. I joined two: Hinge and Tinder. 

Hinge is like a mix between a serious dating site and Tinder in my opinion. You select like six pictures, fill out information ranging from your height to political affiliation to whether you want/have kids (you decide what you want visible), and instead of filling out a bio you can select three questions (they offer a bunch) to answer. Oh and there’s no swiping. Instead you either like a specific aspect of someone’s profile (a picture or answer to a question) or hit the “message” button to let them know you like them. If you don’t like the profile you just hit the “x”. The interface is a lot more aesthetically pleasing in my opinion and the fact that you already have built in ice breakers is definitely appreciated.

Now I know I’ve just talked up Hinge a bunch with a full explanation and everything, so you’re probably thinking the app has been a breeze for me, yeah? Weeelp. Sorry to say, but that’s not the case. Tried and true Tinder is still what reaps the most results which in this case literally just means people reaching out after we match. 

But what about the creepy messages on Tinder? You may be asking.  

Honestly, I haven’t received crazy messages from Tinder in a long, long time and the only message I’ve received that I even think could tip in that direction would be the one message I’ve received from a match on Hinge. What was the message? Well, thanks for asking. The message was to let me know that we’d have sexy blasian kids. 

My initial thought was, “I need to make ‘does not want kids‘ visible on my profile.”

So far I’ve gone on one date from a match on Tinder and it was a JOUR-NEY. I’m talking: going to club with his friends, leaving early to take a sick person home, sending someone off to a booty call, going to another bar, and all the crazy conversations that could possibly (and did) happen at each stage. Was it wild? Most definitely, but it’s a night I won’t forget for a long time and being in so many situations really lets you see how flexible someone is. I mean, a dude start peeing next to us on a tree and began telling us jokes for the next hour before offering us cocaine (and by this time I was beyond sober).

It was one of those nights out where I was so glad I actually took up the invitation because the last time I’d gone out was on NEW YEAR’S. I got to dance, I got to eat checkers, I even saw one of my “kinda relatives” out in the wild! 

So long story short: I’m back in the dating ring, going with the flow and enjoying my time.