Yackety Yak: Obsessed

Have you ever been obsessed with someone? 

How are we defining obsessed? 

As in; you’re checking their social media even when you’ve deleted the apps to give yourself a break. 

…How’re you checking their accounts then? 

Safari. 

Oh.

Yeah.

 No I don’t think I’ve ever gone that far. Is this an ex? Or an old rival or something? 

Um…if I had to define it I’d probably say a frenemy?

Like a nemesis. 

Oh, I like that. We love each other, but we have some history. Rivals who are totally obsessed- like socks and sandals.

…Did you just half quote Bob’s Burgers? 

Yep. 

I love it. And the answer is still no.    

Yackety Yak: Break Ups

I split with my boyfriend.

Really? Didn’t you guys just get together?

Eh, sort of? I guess?

So what happened?

I just realized we weren’t compatible.

It was more than little things. It was…core aspects of our personalities and after my last relationship I just didn’t want to waste everyone’s time again.

I mean…if it’s not working then it just isn’t working. Better to cut it short and like you said; not waste their time. I think we sometimes fall into this feeling of “needing to stay” out of some sort of obligation, but that’s a trap and learning how to avoid it is priceless for everyone involved.

Yeah…

How’d they take it?

Pretty well, considering.

That’s good.

Yep…

Yackety Yak: What am I doing?

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.

I don’t think any of us do to be honest.

I’m in a solid office job, but it’s just what comes easy- not what I like. I have no real passions… You know; I watched a cooking show the other day where the chefs were so passionate about what they were doing and for a hot minute I actually started looking up culinary schools.

Culinary schools?

Yeah. Oh and all the Le Cordon Bleu locations in the U.S. are closed by the way. Just in case you were wondering.

I…’ll keep that in mind. So were you hoping to bottle that passion?

Maybe? There’s a part of me that sparked when I was watching a show where they tried their best at making desserts. It was something about the science and art of it that really spoke to me for some reason.

And you don’t even like desserts.

Exactly.

So why not go into dessert making school?

I don’t know. Because I just spent four years at university and I might not be good at it?

That’s such a shit reason. If it actually interests you then go for it! I’m sure they have part time classes or something nearby to get the ball rolling, right?

Um…probably. I haven’t really looked into it.

So do it. Worst case; you now have something wild to add to your resume and a set of skills you’ll be able to razzle dazzle with. Plus, then if you decide to move to one of the big boy cities, you can apply for jobs in business AND culinary. Double whammy.

Yeah, but how much is that going to cost? I’m already saving for-

Listen! You can’t be fully prepared for everything. We’re country ruining millennials. So find something you can make work with your budget, take a chance, and shut the hell up. You need to focus more on the now and less on the future or else the next thing you know you’ll be your mom’s age with nothing to show for it because you spent all your time finishing some made up checklist you created before you could do anything worth while.

….Well then…I guess I’m going to be looking into some Pâtisserie courses.

You would know the name…you nerd.

Thank you very much.

No problem. I’d be happy to bully you into pursuing your interests anytime.

Yackety-Yak: Dreams

“What if when we dream we’re stepping into another version of ourselves?”

“Like in another dimension or something?”

“Yes! Exactly that.”

“Then…that would be terrifying.”

“Why?”

“Because in my dream last night; I witnessed an act of terrorism.”

“…Shit.”

Yackety-Yak: Straws

I don’t like these new paper straws. 

Why? 

Because when I chew on it I end up tearing it. 

So don’t chew on it?

But it’s my thing. I always chew on straws.

What? 

It’s really not that deep. 

You say that now, but just wait until your straw dissolves.

…It already dissolved. Didn’t it?

Yep.

Ha.

It’s still not that deep.