Yackety-Yak: Exhaustion

The other night my partner said I was exhausting.

Oh…was their any context or was it more of a general statement?

Um- I’d be lying if I said this past year I haven’t been teetering, and since we relocated I’ve definitely been leaning on them for support and it eventually came out I’ve been exhausting them the last…couple of months…

Did things come to a head for this to come out?

In a way it was more so the opposite, actually. I’ve started seeing a therapist- albeit sporadically, and my appetite is returning, so my partner felt I was making enough progress to where they could tell me.

So they didn’t want to burden you-

-Even though I was burdening them.

They said they didn’t want to, “kick me while I was down”, so to speak.

And how did you take it?

At first I just shut down to keep my emotional reaction in check and just sort of process it all. I was upset that I’d been so wrapped up in my own day to day I hadn’t noticed how I was wearing on them. Then it shifted to being upset they felt they couldn’t tell me sooner and suffered in silence for weeks all because of my behavior.

Right. I get that.

They regretted telling me initially, but I’m glad they did. Now I’m paying more attention and taking the steps to make sure I respect their boundaries.

You seem to be taking this pretty well– all things considered.

Yeah, well- I’ve been on the other side, right? When they were explaining their feelings so much of it was spot on with things I’d said in past. It was…

It’s why it hit you so hard. To be on the other side.

Oh, for sure. I explained how I wanted us to be comfortable bringing these things up going forward so resentment and other things don’t seep their way in.

And they always do.

Exactly.

Jumping Back in the Learning Pool

So I finally did it. I started my data analytics course!

After spending the last year and a half collecting, managing, and preparing data- I’ve learned I really enjoy working with it. The way I see it, data is data and it all comes down to honing skills in how to efficiently manipulate it. Mainly to answer managements’ questions.

When I was preparing to move out of state it was decided I would take on a final project of cleaning/preparing the company’s data for a systems change before being officially phased out. It was pretty much a win-win for everyone since I knew the data the best, I’d been helping create the new system, I could work from home, and I wouldn’t be stressed needing to get a new job right away. I was pretty stoked, but as I worked through the project I knew there were definitely quicker ways to get certain tasks done. The only problem was; I didn’t know those ways.

I looked into a course and realized I simply wouldn’t have the time to enroll on top of the overtime I was already working. With that in mind I figured I’d just start once I finished the project. Simple enough, right?

Well…things don’t always go as planned. The final stage of my project was ultimately put on hold (pretty recently, too) and I was given my original duties.

As soon as I was back in the swing of things I knew it was now or never and signed myself up.

As of right now I’m two weeks in and have finished about an eighth of the course (grossly ahead of schedule). Initially, my goal was to try and get through it as quickly as possible- maximize my time. But between a tendency to burn out and wanting to really get this right…I’m planning to go in moderation.

The goal? To finish by the end of the year then see where it takes me.

Artist: oshtu