How to Get from Dublin to Miami (like the pro you are)

a) arrive at the terminal around 4:30 a.m. to retrieve your passport

b) find out you can’t retrieve your passport until 8:15ish since your flight isn’t until 11:40

c) sit in the airport questioning your every decision

d) take a nap

e) wake up to find none of your stuff has been stolen and you really have to pee

f) go back to sleep, so you don’t have to worry about needing to pee

g) wake up around 8:00 (without the alarm) and call immigration

h) retrieve your passport from the friendly lady in immigration who let’s you know, “You could come back next week if you wanted”

i) go to the other terminal to check in for your flight and find a large line

j) wait in said line for an hour watching Bob’s Burgers

k) find out one of your bags is overweight and throw stuff into your carry on which still puts you 2.7 kg over

l) dance inwardly when the check in lady only charges you for 2 kg

m) reorganize your carry on so your laptop is padded for the gods and queue for the security check

n) breeze through security and FINALLY go to the bathroom around 10

o) buy a salmon bagel since you haven’t eaten yet

p) wait for the plane to board and pass out almost immediately after take off

q) wake up in Iceland!!!

r) go to the cleanest bathroom you’ve ever been graced to use in your life

s) kill four hours via Netflix, Board Kings, emails, messaging friends

t) wait in line to board

u) take a bus to the plane and then board via stairs like an old school movie star

v) survive an eight hour flight with mild motion sickness on the landing

w) book it to immigration and declare a ham and cheese baguette you bought on the flight

x) get led to a separate area from the rest of the passengers to get your luggage and wait ages for your luggage to come through

y) go through the secondary agricultural baggage check to review the baguette situation

z) meet your aunt outside and go home

**did you know ham from Ireland is not allowed into the U.S., but ham from Iceland is? no. i bet you didn’t. 

O.P. 5 August 2017

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