Sometimes you just need a hard reset.

The reasons for it and ways we go about it vary tremendously, but I decided to start with things I do and experience daily which meant: my bedroom. Now I’ve rearranged/cleaned out my room probably every 3-4 months to keep things fresh for ages. I’m talking to the point where my family wasn’t even surprised when they’d catch me in the act anymore- they were just curious to see how I’d do it differently. And this worked up until I ran out of ways to position everything. Since high school I never really bothered buying new things or redecorating because I was always looking ahead to when I planned on moving out, but after rescinding my E.P.I.K. application and realizing I was going to be home for another year…I knew I needed to make some changes.

SO I got rid of my couch, chair, mirrors, and carpet. I bought a shelf unit, full length mirror, carpet, and wallpaper. I moved my dresser into the closet to open up the space and got my family to help hang everything up.

I knew I’d done well at really switching things up too when my mom was visibly shocked (and even a little impressed) at the almost final product. Did she tell me I needed to get a new bed set to tie the room together? Of course she did, but hey- she’s right and come next month I should have it.

With phase one done I can now successfully move to the next which is…*drum roll*…exercise. I’ve tried doing this in the past and have always lacked follow through for several reasons. One is I have a thing about working out where people can see me which is part of the reason why I opened up my room in the first place. So now it’s like: You don’t want to work out in public? Now you have a private place to do it plus a full mirror to check your form. You’re too tired after work and don’t want to? You can look at the bed as motivation while you get it done. You can’t remember the exercises and can’t ask someone? Google it, bitch. No one to talk to? Put on a podcast.

So in the past, phase three would be all about skin care, but I’m honestly pretty content right now. This isn’t to say my skin is perfect or anything because that would be insane. What it does mean though is my skin is on the right track, I’m seeing results, and instead of stressing I’d rather just keep up with my routine. What’s phase three then?

Pole dancing. That’s right. I know what you’re thinking: but didn’t you just say you don’t like working out in public? Why yes. Yes I did. BUT pole dancing classes are normally closed AND it’s something I’ve always wanted to do. To be honest this entire phase is really just about getting out there and trying things I’ve talked or thought about because I’m done putting it off. Especially when it’s something I can easily manage to do, but I’ve just been lazy/nervous.

Phase four: friends and relationships. Now I don’t want to give the impression I’m about to do a major clean sweep or something because nothing severe has happened. This has more to do with me putting more effort into my family and being more open with my friends in general. I guess in a way maybe this one is more about me being more authentic to myself?…Well that’s always a work in progress.

…

All in all phase one is one complete; exercising in my room starts this week; pole dancing starts next month; and friends/relationships has already been happening. At first I didn’t want to make a post about it because I didn’t want to jinx myself, but then I thought- why not? The only thing that can jinx me is myself and things are going pretty well. I’ve honestly been feeling a lot less down since I started making moves again and it feels good.

I just realized I saved all the physical stuff for last and I’m not even surprised.

Artist: oshtu