Ocean Views

As a Florida kid the beach is nothing new to me. My mom loved the beach, so when I was young we went whenever she found the time and in high school plenty of Saturdays were spent hanging on the sand. The thing is though: I’m not a fan of beach. My ex lived for everything related to the sea and I enjoyed the occasional trip, but once we ended so did my need for the beach. Now don’t me wrong; I loved being out in the sun and in the water, but it’s the sand- oh the sand! It’s either burning, getting everywhere, or blowing up in your face (sometimes all in the same 60 seconds!).

Needless to say I haven’t thought much about the beach until a couple weeks ago. You see, the person I was house/pet sitting for lives right near the water so in order to get to and from work I had to drive right down the coast.

Let me just say: there’s something so serene about how the sun glistens off a calm ocean.

Honestly, I think it was the first time I really got an understanding of why some people really enjoy ocean views.

I’m pretty sure my mom’s whole retirement plan centers around having a condo on the beach and even though I don’t share the sentiment in any way whatsoever…I’m going to do everything I can when the time comes to make sure she gets it- and then I can enjoy the coastal drive when I visit!

Photo by Griffin Keller on Unsplash

Waking Up from a Bad Dream

I have a theory that when I wake up from a bad dream it means I died in said dream. Now I know this isn’t new and a lot of people agree our brains don’t know what it’s like after we die, so we just wake up.

For me though, I don’t think I’ve ever actually dreamed of myself being killed or dying (that I can remember). Instead it seems I wake up several scenes before it would get to that point which is kind of weird to me. After all the horror/thriller movies I’ve watched I know my brain definitely has the material work with and yet it just doesn’t happen.

Let’s take the most recent dream which left me feeling that weird…I don’t know if it’s anxiety or adrenaline or a racing heartbeat. In the dream I was being stalked, the person was arrested, and I was driving with a friend somewhere to unwind. During the drive I started to realize the wrong person had been arrested and it was my ‘friend’ who was doing it the whole time. Then the dream jumped to me in a hotel bathroom trying to get service to call the police. The door was locked and my friend was trying to get in to see if I was okay; growing more and more aggressive as time went on. I couldn’t get service for the life of me and eventually my friend was able to chip out a bit of one of the slots on the door that look like permanently closed blinds to peek through. I was having trouble moving properly and I’m pretty sure I was drugged, but I tried to stay calm and not let them see I was crying/freaking out while trying to text 9.1.1. instead.

What happened next? I don’t know. My last memory of the dream before waking up was managing to pull myself close to the window to try and get reception to send the text.

I think it’s pretty safe to assume I didn’t send the text. Or that I didn’t make it period, but that’s A-okay. I’ve never really looked into the meaning behind dreams or anything except for the whole “if I wake up in a bad situation then I didn’t make it” bit, so there really isn’t much I can say about it. What I can say though is maybe it’s my fear of death that makes it so my dreams never really dip into the dying stage? It certainly makes enough sense on my end.

Photo by Tamar Waskey on Unsplash

Motor Vehicles: an unfortunate expense

Can I just say that cars are really a pain in the ass from a consumer perspective- specifically mine?

I waited until I was 18 to get my license and I did it for three reasons: (1) I was lucky enough to be able to get by without it, (3) I didn’t feel like driving, and (2) I didn’t want the expense. Now that I’m 22 I realize my high school self was all. too. right.

I know cars can be useful, but I really am a fan of public transportation. Ever since I spent a semester in London I just feel like it’s ruined cars for me. I drive because I live in a part of Florida where public transit is relatively nonexistent (not that we’re known for it to begin with).

My goal is to relocate to a city where I can sell my car and no longer worry about it. In the past month I’ve had to drop a good chunk of cash on fixing it and then last week my SERVICE LIGHT came on. That’s right. The SERVICE LIGHT CAME ON after I’d JUST taken it in!

How much is it going to cost? Who knows? I don’t know what wrong with it yet, so I’m mentally prepping for a ‘worst case amount’. Why? Because then I can budget for it and hopefully it won’t cost as much I think…of course there’s the chance it might cost more, but I refuse to think about that right now, okay?

Alright. Enough ranting about cars before mine decides to die when I still have another year before I’ll be ready to ship off to grad school. >_>

On another note: if I were to go into a trade I’d hands down go into car repair

Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash

Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood

I’m going to start by saying I stumbled across this on Syfy which has some real gems on there (i.e. Never Let Me Go) and also some…I don’t even know if “dud” is the right word. Anyway, I went on guide to see the lineup and THIS is the playing order for the rest of the day: Leprechaun 5: In the Hood, Leprechaun 4 in Space, Leprechaun 3, Leprechaun 2, Leprechaun, Leprechaun Returns, and BACK to Leprechaun 3.

I’ve so many questions. Why is ‘Back 2 that Hood’ on before ‘In the Hood? Why are we then going backwards from there? If we’re going backwards, why is Leprechaun Returns at the end? AND WHY DO WE RESET BACK TO LEPRECHAUN 3?! Who made this lineup? Was it their personal list of the worst to the best? Was it the opposite?

Now if you haven’t seen anything from this franchise, I’ll break it down for you: if you take the Leprechaun’s gold then he’ll kill you and take it back- sometimes at the same time. That’s pretty much it. I think in one he also tries to take a girl as his wife, but I have no idea which one that is (although I probably will by the end of the day).

Are these movies scary? No. It’s actually in my least favorite category of all time; horror comedies. So why am I still watching? Because I had no idea they made so many movies and now I must see all of them…also I’m house sitting and don’t have a whole lot to do.

UPDATE: ‘In the Hood‘ has Ice-T in it!

UPDATE: honestly it’s a personal challenge to finish all these movies at this point because the struggle is getting real

PRO TIP: clovers can make leprechaun’s temporarily vulnerable apparently, but not touching their gold avoids the problem completely

Photo by Quentin Rey on Unsplash

Old Friends: same old shit?

It’s wild how you can know someone for years, go through so many ups and downs, not talk for months at a time, and then suddenly one person hits up the other because they haven’t posted on social media in a while and suddenly you’re hanging out until five in the morning.

Was it expected? Definitely not, but that’s life…you know?

I’ll be the first to say I was the reason our friendship fell apart. Hands down it was me and I think mixed with distance/leading our own lives sent us in different directions for a while.

Was it unfortunate? Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely things we’ve missed out on in each others lives which is unfortunate, but I don’t necessarily think it is on the whole because we’ve always managed to link back together.

It’s funny too because this time around I guess it just feels different? I think we’re both in that mentality/stage where the bullshit from years ago just isn’t something we live in anymore. There’s no overthinking. We hang out, have deep conversations, have stupid conversations, and the most important part- we roast the shit out of each other.

In the past month alone I’ve seen them twice (taking that good ol’ three and half hour drive). The first time was the fated “hanging out until 5 a.m.”. This past weekend I introduced them to my boyfriend, brought them over for breakfast with my some relatives they hadn’t seen in years, and face timed with my mom to say hi. It was awesome and by the time we parted ways there were already plans to link up again in a few weeks.

I really don’t know how to explain it…During our 5 a.m. hangout they said something off handily about how I was one of their best friends and it really made me think that: yeah, they’re definitely still one of mine. I just felt refreshed and I think sometimes that’s what we need- that physical presence as opposed to maybe just a screen or even nothing at all.

I guess in the end my true take away is: through the highs and lows it’s all about those who you can still kick back with and watch them not be able to finish a turkey leg at the fair (and then roast them for it).

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

Complex Be Gone-ish!

After chatting with a friend the other day, I realized something: my “sexy” complex has faded away and I didn’t even notice.

You see, in the past I used to only see myself as the sexy one. I could never be cute or beautiful– just one who generally looked good in revealing clothes (face not included). This image probably started around eighth grade when I was leaving the “is that a girl?” stage until some point in university, I think.

And yes, someone said that about me when I was somewhere between second and fourth grade.

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Unplanned Vacation turned Stress Pot

It has been SIX days since I last worked.

At first it was awesome to get a break from work considering our next official day off wasn’t going to be until Memorial Day (27th of May). I tell you, I was over the moon when I woke up and read that text saying the building was out of working order. It gave me the chance to unwind, start a new show, work on the site, start writing again, finish my EPIK application… I even got my nails done today and I haven’t done that in probably a year? Maybe longer?

Anyway, this vacation has been all well and good, but since day three there’s been one thing on my mind:

I’m probably not getting paid for this. In fact, I’m definitely not getting paid for this.

Luckily I still live at home, so I’m not stressing over rent or anything like that. My credit card is paid off so I’m enjoying a $0 balance right now and I know for sure I have enough to cover my phone bill…I have to admit it’s times like this when I’m so glad/grateful I was able to pay the first six months of my car insurance upfront.

I guess now that I’ve written it all down the main things I’m worried about are being able to reach my savings goals/not having to dip into my savings and that the company I work for might shut down permanently. And I know the answer is to just start looking for another job once I know for sure, but let’s be real: I was super lucky to get hired right out of college and I’m not sure if I’m trying to test that again.

…In other news, my boss text me today to see if I would do some work from home tomorrow and that means I. AM. BACK IN THE GAME.

(all from the comfort of my own home and pajamas)

It can’t be just me: Procrastination

For me procrastination is right up there with good ol’ lack of confidence and I’d say they’re probably about equal/possibly intertwined, even.

Recently though, I’ve been able to implement a system that’s working pretty damn well! I set out a daily to-do list for the upcoming week (leaving a few spots blank in case something comes up) and then just…do it. At first I wasn’t entirely confident it would work, but just there’s just something about trying to go to bed knowing not everything’s been crossed off for the day that really hits me deep.

That being said. So far it’s kept me on track to where I got an A on the final for my TEFL course, set medical appointments, started paying more attention to this site, etc. BUT it could not get me to finish my EPIK application lesson plan!

Then it happened: heavy rain = office building flooding; and the next thing I know I have Weds through Friday off. What a dream, right? Nope. Turns out that with all that extra time I literally didn’t know what to do with myself. There was no sense of immediate urgency to get the lesson plan done even though I was anxious to get it done. I’d start doing research to prep and then just put it down and start doing something else: i.e. calling friends, working on roleplays, lunch with my mom, and of course the almighty NETFLIX. I was literally doing everything under the rising son instead of working on this lesson plan because, “I don’t need to have it until next Wednesday“.

BUT, BUT, BUT. You know that strange thing where you either push out the product at the last minute or randomly get the bug and start without prompting? Well, I’m glad to say I’m moving farther away from the first and more towards the second track which is exactly what happened today. I went to my dog sitting gig without my EPIK application materials and absolutely no intent of working on it. Somehow though, I ended up opening Google Docs, opening some tabs to better understand what they’re looking for, and hashed out a rough draft to polish once I get back home.

Was it what I was expecting? Obviously not, but it happened and I felt like a weight was taken off my shoulders because I’d actually produced something meaty!

I think procrastination is one of those things that clearly never fully goes away because we experience it with different tasks for wildly different reasons. I tend to work better when I’ve mapped things out, but if something drastically changes (such as no work for three days) it clearly throws me off my game. The answer isn’t the same for everyone and I know it’s probably not the best to rely on that efficiency bug to bite you in the ass, but isn’t it great how once you get started sometimes you just turn into the energizer bunny and start steam rolling through stuff? Even right now as I’m typing this I’m also resizing my photo to put on my application.

No? Maybe it’s just me.

Photo by Pedro da Silva on Unsplash