THIS IS A FICTIONAL JOURNAL INSPIRED BY IDLE THOUGHTS
Does anyone have snippets of conversation randomly replay in their head? Where you remember what the other person said, how you felt, etc. and when it replays your brain inserts how you would respond now? If not, I get it because I always feel strange afterwards. I guess it’s the feeling I’m obsessing over a singular moment and allowing myself to harbor negativity. Unless I’m going to rehash these conversations with the actual people then what’s the point…right?
Does anyone have moments when they think they might succumb to something solely because a side is so passionate even if you firmly don’t agree? Such as when you read YouTube comments and one person is clearly fully invested in their side? I don’t think I’ve given in, but sometimes I grow paranoid.
You know the feeling when you finish something for you and even though it’s your first time at it and even though it’s janky…you feel awesome because you did it? A cloud has begun to lift.
Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I’m somewhere between welling tears and deep breaths. At times I express myself, but never to the source. The cycle continues.
Lately I’ve been waking earlier than my alarm, but lay in bed until the last possible moment. There’s something about listening to the quiet of a house which puts me at ease…almost like white noise, yet not as calming as rain. A few moments of nothing to start the day.
Every morning I wake and go about my day. I commute, eat lunch, partake in meetings, and go to the gym. Most often I work in silence, but seldom feel alone. When passing a reflective surface I catch a glimpse of it at my side. An all black, shapeless figure with piercing white eyes…There are times when I catch myself staring at a shop window. A companion will ask if I’m window shopping and I’m reminded no one else can see.